Coagulation

Here I am again, blogging in attempts to avoid starting my Biology assignment. Well, I do feel like I haven't written anything for a few days and if I don't start writing again, I'm going to abandon this blog soon so here I am.

Last night I had a really weird dream. Okay, it wasn't really weird but somewhat memorable. My Physics teacher was in it. She was presenting her usual powerpoints to us when suddenly she used EXO-M's Happy Camp appearance as an example of some Physics principle. Then something happened and after class, we were both fangirling with each other over EXO so it was really...weird.

Yesterday was horrible weather. Everything was dull and wet. Getting to Hurstville was hard because there were so many people at Sydenham station and it becomes worse when you have to run through them to make your train on another platform. In the end I missed it :( Studying was pretty good. I didn't go through as much as I wanted to but it was definitely a lot more than if I were to study at home. The internet is so distracting which is evident as I'm supposed to be making my models for Biology right now.

At tutor I wore my zodiac bangle I purchased at Lovisa last week. I realised how ugly the crab looked. I'm proud to be a Cancerian but the symbol is just not nice to me. Sometimes my birthdate really bugs me because it lies right on the borderline of two zodiac signs - Leo and Cancer. All these years I thought I was a Leo until one particular year my birthday lied in the Cancer region rather than the Leo one. When I'm bored I read facts on both star signs and I think I see myself more as a Cancer. Both signs are seriously extreme opposites of each other. That might somewhat explain why I'm such a contradictory person. I see Leo traits within me but overall I lean towards Cancer.

It is difficult for cancer to open up and have a close emotionally fulfilled relationship with someone because they are so closed off emotionally and physically to the world. This is driven by their fear of trust, Cancer has a difficult time trusting people. This causes built up anger and resentment inside, the contradictory nature really takes a toll on them and they can have a negative outlook on life, thinking that life is just too hard and miserable. This is unfortunate because when good experiences are to be had, they are skeptical of people and their surroundings and they experience tunnel vision due to their depressed outlook and they miss the nice things and happy experiences in life that make it worth living. In addition to lack of trust for people, Cancer is deeply sensitive and easily hurt, this is other reason why they have their defense shell in place, to avoid being hurt by others. Cancer lives in the past. They hold past events close to them and often dwell on the past. They have to learn to let go and live in the present instead of spending their time being sick with nostalgia. Cancer has a lot of emotional issues to deal with but once they overcome this large hump of shyness and insecurity, there is practically nothing they can't do. With their strong intuition, sensitivity, powers of observation and intelligence, they will have great success in anything they undertake. Cancer is constantly feeling, feelings and emotions are hallmarks of this sign and this is the root of their problems, human beings are not as evolved in the emotional area and this is where cancer gets the brunt of their problems. They are the ones who have to cope with their strong feelings more so then any other sign. Once properly harnessed, there is nothing that is this powerful astrology sign can not accomplish. Harmony is very important to Cancer, it keeps them happy. Conflict of any kind causes great distress. Deep inside, Cancer is a very powerful sign, they have the ability to stand up for what they think is right and they have lots of perseverance and can be fine on their own provided they don't let their emotions get the better of them and have the stability they need. They are not fond of change but they have the ability to do what needs to be done, they are not pushovers or lazy people.

Hm...there's nothing much that I need to say anymore. EXO-K is also ending promotions so I'm probably not going to hear as much from them anymore :( But I'm really excited and anticipating their next release! I guess it's a good thing for me because the urge to go on Tumblr and fangirl doesn't really go well with the stress related to not finishing assignments and not studying for exams.

Well since I've been doing water treatment in Chemistry, I've been coming across the term coagulation. It stirred up some memories of this song. I remember loving this song to bits when it first came out. I'm such a sucker when it comes to ballads. Listening to it again now makes me feel somewhat bittersweet. It feels like yesterday that we were spazzing over Super Junior's Sorry Sorry comeback stages. But it's been so long since that time. So many things have changed. Looking at how much the kpop world has changed has also made me think about how much my life has changed as well. /sigh I will leave these emotional posts for later. For now, come at me Biology Assignment!

[youtube http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sME8ImQxbYc&w=640&h=360]

On the windows and on my eyes, dew forms, tears form. Where they're from and how they form over and over again - I don't know. The only thing I know is that it really hurts.

Dear My Family

Yesterday was the KPOP Summit. As always, my brain is empty and has no memory of what exactly happened last night. Everything just seems like a dream. But as usual, I had a lot of fun. When these events take place, I feel like I escape from my reality for a while. I forget the day, the time and all the burdens of my life. I forget that I'm in Year 12, I forget that HSC is approaching, I forget about all my problems…I forget everything and I am only focused on what is within the dance studio. That's why I'm so attracted to dancing. I still remember when it first started, a lot of people went but then everyone stopped going. I even stopped for a while. But during that time, i really felt somewhat…not that great. But now going back to dance, I really feel like everything is going well. So I'm really grateful for that.

Practising all these dances has really made me appreciate how much work is placed into perfecting these dances by kpop idols. We usually just spend 3-4 hours max during our dance practises and we don't even do the moves with much power either and yet we all feel dead and worn out after each session. Yet kpop groups spend hours and hours training and even after debuting practising. And I'm talking about long hours as in something like 9AM in the morning till 2AM in the morning.

It's funny because one of my friends hate on Justin Bieber and the reason he told me is that Justin Bieber didn't start from the bottom and make his way up through hard work. Rather, he just suddenly became famous over one night. And yet he comes up to me and makes fun of kpop. My brain just doesn't comprehend this. Not one kpop idol has not been through training. Whether it be one year, two years or even seven years. All of them have been through so much just to stand on the stage and do what they love to do. We have no right to bash anyone of them because to get to where they are together, they have experienced things far beyond what we are capable of. The other day my sister asked me 'kpop artists are just like normal people, why do you like them so much?' Like seriously, at that moment I could just grab out my laptop and type up an entire essay for her and for everyone who comes up and asks me something like that. I guess it's probably only something kpoppers understand. Everyone sees pretty boys and skinny girls dancing and singing on stage, but kpoppers can see how much work was put into getting there. All the hardships, all the sweats, all the tears and more importantly the support between members.

Anyways, I was spending my time watching EXO's predebut showcase and teasers again. Hahahaa, I still remember how I thought to myself when I first saw their teasers - 'these boys look so young, I don't think I can ever fangirl over them" and look at me now. The performance that really got me into them was definitely their first History performance at their showcase. The moment all twelve of them started dancing, the lights, the music, the audience screaming and the perfect unison just gave me shivers and goosebumps all over. And it was precisely at that moment where I just knew these boys were definitely going to be something.

[youtube http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hAiURxu1whE&w=640&h=360]

I guess in the western world, talent is enough to get you to the top. But in Korea, talent isn't everything. Hard work is also necessary. I hear many stories about trainees dropping out because they cannot handle the training as well as the anxiety of the question "when will I ever debut or will I even debut?" So I guess those that perform on the stage these days are those with the strength and power as well as the talent. The other night I was watching SM's movie/documentary I AM. Most emotional thing ever. Seeing all the footages of their predebut and training days and then comparing to them now, they have grown and matured so much. I guess you could say that they were all just ordinary people to begin with but they have all grown to become true stars. Although I was not there to see the born of legendary groups such as DBSK and Super Junior and SNSD but I'm glad that I was there for the debut of SHINee and EXO. Especially EXO - they are probably the only group that I've been with since debut and I really look forward to the day where they too will shine like true stars on that stage.

Enough with the cheesy talk. But rather than seeing kpop as something with negative connotations such as plastic surgery, starving themselves, nothing special, trashy, only looks and bodies, I see artists as a sign of ... kind of a sense of hope and anticipation. There are so many times in the past where I actually thought to myself 'if these people can get through such hardships then I can also get through mine". Yeah I like to see these people as something inspiring like that but it's not something that many people can come to appreciate. I've given up hope trying to explain to them how much kpop has saved me from so now I'd rather just keep this special thing of mine to myself :) I really want to keep going but I feel like I'm writing enough already. This is just a kpop appreciation post. I really want to thank kpop for just being there for me when no one was there, for giving me strength to reach to where I am today, for bringing me laughter, for bringing me tears, for bring me adrenaline rushes, for letting me meet fellow amazing fans, for allowing me to release my emotions, for filling in the empty gaps of my life and for being a place where I know I can always turn to when I need comfort and on days where I feel like everything in my reality is crashing down. Thank you.

[youtube http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=e7z38zMcAVg&w=640&h=360]

When I can't find a place to stand
When I'm lost in a storm
The people that have given me unchanging love and courage
I send my gratitude to them

When we see people who've lost hope
We should become the great strength for them to stand up again
Because they might need the hand of a family like me

Like little hearts gathering to become a great strength
I believe we are one
Together we create happiness
Till the day when we become the light in the parched world

I love you