Could Not Even Say A Word

YESSS IT'S OVER. I handed in my Biology model and did the 4U test. Okay, to be honest I'm not satisfied with my Biology model. I realised there were a lot of errors in my written component which is inevitable considering the fact I was dosing off when I was typing it. 4U test was pretty good. I didn't finish it and it wasn't easy but I didn't find myself tugging at my hair afterwards so that's cool. Actually, I'm really happy with myself at how I treated the maths exams during this assessment period. I'm so happy that I managed to keep a very calm state of mind before the 2U and the 4U papers. For the 2U test, all I was thinking of was the fact that it was not going to get counted. For 4U, I just couldn't care less because I know what level I am in comparison to the rest of the class - bottom. So even if I do bad, I'm still going to stay at the bottom so it didn't really bother me that much. Right now, I'm really happy at myself for being able to that. 3U was another story. I was freaking out so much for that but oh wells, it's of the past now.

Yesterday during lunch I think I had one of those stressful moments. During free period I was just doing some integration questions. The questions weren't particularly hard but it was difficult for me to think of a suitable method considering there are so many available methods. But then Annie came and started talking to me about it and how I should do the hard questions first because doing the easy questions is pretty much useless. At the moment I kind of felt...I don't know how to describe it but I just thought, I'm not fluent in these easy questions, what am I going to do with the hard ones? I don't know, I just went into the state where I just didn't want to talk and didn't want to hear any noise. What made it worse was that in maths everyone was talking at the same time and I really had a serious headache. Then during lunch Sarah asked what was wrong because I probably had the bitchface on. I don't know. I wasn't unhappy or anything but tears just started flowing. It was really weird because it wasn't like tears of unhappiness but rather my nose just started feeling really heavy and I just started crying. There were so many tears that I had to bury my face into my arms. Was I stressed? Thinking back, I probably was because at that time I had not studied enough 4U and I wasn't half way through my Biology assignment and both were due the next day. But I felt much better after getting some fresh air outside the noisy and stuffy classroom. I'm also very grateful to those who tried to comfort me. I definitely felt much better because of them :)

Tonight, I spent the time doing nothing productive. Youtube, Tumblr and drama ftw! I watched the first episode of A Gentleman's Dignity after Sarah showed me a certain scene from the drama. I thought that the first episode was extremely cute! It was another one of those 'oh my gosh the girl is so pretty and I want her number' kind of beginning but the way they first interacted was very cute. Cute as in the mature relationship cute and yeah, I dig mature stuff ^~^

Sigh, now that the week has passed, I'm somewhat dreading what is coming up in the next week. I am not looking forward to spending tomorrow doing English at the library. Urgh! I just want to take a break from everything and chill at home. Oh wells, I guess I don't have time for that. I really don't care about the marks I get anymore. Screw that! All I need to focus on is just to get through these weeks. Just a few more months and everything will end. I just have to hold everything together and get through the remaining time. Please please please let me get through this year. Please.

♫♪♫♫ Could Not Even Say A Word - Supernova
All the longing that my heart has been pushing away is calling for you every night