Maria

Today was such a long day.

The day started off with 4U morning class followed by a 3U class. However, Sir totally gave up teaching Maths as everyone was busy studying for English. During Biology, I was pretty chill about it as well. That is until the time for the English exam came closer. I don't know, it was just a sudden gush of emotions. I became restless, continuously checking my phone for the time and even to the point where I started pulling at my hair. I didn't know what type of emotion it was, but I just felt like something was building up inside and all I could do was struggle with it. What made it worse was Ms. Gounder giving us a little lecture. Everyone was somewhat panicing over English and then she comes and says how were none of us were serious with our work and all the stuff that she would go on. I just lost it. I felt like everything building inside was coming out. I could feel my nose going heavy and my eyes were tearing. I don't know. It's just that feeling where you know that everyone and yourself have been trying so hard and yet all these efforts are disregarded by someone. I would rather hear words of saying I'm doing enough or I'm not doing it well rather than words saying that I'm not doing anything or I didn't try.

I am trying. I'm trying really really hard. I'm not hoping that people appreciate it or anything but people can't just strip away my efforts like that. So many times I wanted to just scream out to the world "I give up" but those words are not easy to come to the conclusion with. And so, each day I just find myself constantly in this cycle of wanting to give up and continuously reminding myself that I can't. Just a few more months. A few more months and it'll be over. I'll try.

After the English exam, I just felt a sense of release and comfort. I had no memory of what I wrote in the exam but all I know is that I don't think I answered the question. Oh wells ~ time to relax and so, Sarah, Annie and I started dancing and singing. Damn we should karaoke one day and belt out our high shrieks. Afternoon 4U class was hilarious. Especially when Mohammed, Ali and Istiak (sometimes Cem) are there; the funniest things happen. Dramatic readings of kpop lyrics, terrorists disguises, Istiak realising that he wrote Valediction instead of A Valediction. Everything they do just has this natural sense of humour to it.

Afternoon English class was alright. Surprisingly, I managed to keep awake during the entire time. The movie was alright. It's not as boring as people make it sound. Just that I was a little disappointed because of I was expecting some hot European men in an epic film of war and battle. Then they give me a sissy film with some ridiculous portrayal of the death of Caesar. I've also grown to become quite fond of our English teacher. She is so funny - not like the intentional funny but rather, her actions and words give her this humorous charm. I guess English is quite enjoyable with her.

Dance practise was pretty good. Despite Annie and Rachael swearing at each other because of the stress in perfecting the dance I felt like tonight's dance practise session really allowed the group to become tighter. I think the dance looks pretty good. You know, we might not be perfectly in sync but I think we all had fun during the process of putting it together.

Came home and watched some drama. The recent Hong Kong drama that I've been watching is pretty interesting. It's disturbing in one aspect but it goes quite deep into this whole idea of human nature. It's pretty similar to When Heavens Burn. Both use bloody and horrific events to highlight some deep ideas relating to humans. When Heavens Burn was done really nicely, but this one, Master of Play, is a little more disturbing and creepy. But nevertheless, still very interesting to watch.

"時間可以沖淡一切，但如果你對一個人的思念，深厚得連時間亦無法沖淡，那對方就是全世界最幸福的人，而你…就是全世界最悲哀的人."

So sleepy right now. Tomorrow is the KPOP Summit and I hope all the effort that has been placed in practise really shines. It's going to be another long day and after that, I still have to prepare my Physics presentation due on Wednesday, start studying for 3U and 4U as well as Biology Assessment. I just realised that Ms Gounder said she was going to give us a test on Monday but I have Physics excursion BOOO YEAHHH ~~~~!!!

Sigh. I think with all these things going on at the moment, I really need some time to myself.

[youtube http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6xJRf6Ih9Oc&w=640&h=480]

Maria; "Sea of Bitterness"