Bulletproof

I feel so unmotivated these past few days. I feel like I'm passing each day just for the sake of passing each day. I have English exam on Friday, dance performance on Saturday, Physics excursion on Monday, Physics presentation on Wednesday and three maths exams coming and yet I feel so sense of panic and I have no motivation to prepare for any of it. It's even more funny how I'm typing up this post in attempts to escape from the reality that I have to do some studying for English. I don't even know what's wrong with me. I see some of my friends being so motivated, spending hours writing up notes and I'm just slugging out on the couch with my laptop.

But I really feel tired.

I don't even know why. Last night I stayed up till 2AM and thinking back, I have no idea what I was doing. Walking to school I really didn't feel like talking. I just wanted to listen to my music and hide under my scarf. Things also got quite serious during English where we were presented with an overview of the next module. Kill me now. It sounds so hard and I really feel like a lot of work is to be done for it. I was studying for Chemistry module exam and I just fell asleep. It didn't make me feel better knowing that I wasn't even half way through the chapter and I had an exam in less than an hour's time. Walking to the train station was somewhat peaceful. I actually quite enjoy walking by myself these days especially when I have my music with me.

Great, I'm starting to feel sleepy. My eyelids are feeling heavy and yet I still have to get through two more poems tonight. I don't even know what I'm doing anymore. I know I need to do it, I need to do it. But I can never bring myself to do it. Sigh. I really need motivation, something to work towards. Right now, with no goal I just feel like I'm forcing myself to pass the day and that's it. So lifeless...so dead.

[youtube http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_nhq5z1ce14&w=640&h=360]

"I wish I had a bulletproof soul..."